Now What Indeed

Now that I have been in this "new routine" for several months, I had hoped to learn something about myself in the process.  When it all started in February - quite unexpectedly - I hoped when the dust cleared to finally have time to write, to think, to develop content for my classes, to reflect - all without the arbitrary confines of having to go to an office and kow-tow to the wishes of others.  The hours and days stretched before mefree of the confines of working hours and external expectations for only the second time in my post-college life.

Or so I thought.

The reality has been much different.  The lack of structure, instead of freeing up creative juices, staunched the flow. Unused to creating my own productivity, I struggled to mark achievement.  My Mennonite work ethic said "work before play" and since I could not identify accomplishment, I could not allow myself the "rewards" of creativity - writing, photography, even exercise. 

So what I learned about myself was not what I expected.  I learned that I need some structure to feel productive: structure, not necessarily stress.  I have started to learn how to define structure and success and units of work for myself.  A blog post, a well-written email, some student papers, preparations for dinner - any of these can trigger the "we have worked, now we can eat" response from my growing up.

And now that things are getting a little better, I really hope that I can share more often.  I have some things to say.

In the meantime, here is a photo of me and my brother Jean Loup.  He is several years older than me.  I only hope my hair goes his color.